THE GINCON CHRONICLES

BUNNIES!

Tears for Fears

It's been a long time coming. I have been increasingly depressed about my debilitated state. I kept thinking that Dr. O'Connor might come up with an assist for my R knee, which is the biggest problem regarding my mobility. When he said last week that no brace would be appropriate, and that the only solution is a total knee replacement which none of us want to do now because I'm too young and they only last @ 10 years, my greatest fears were at last confirmed. It was like a small death sentence, the killing of any hope for being able to walk. It brought on deep sadness about my inability to do the simplest things which others take for granted. It made me long for the days when I was active and well, even the days after the first accident when I was 100% disabled but not confined to bed. The other factor in today's sadness was that it is Cinco de Mayo, and Don & Victoria will be playing the Mexican Connection from today through Saturday. After yesterday's visit to the doctor and the grocery store, I am hurting A LOT, even in a reclining position in bed. We had to decline Laura and Rusty's invitation to go and see D n V tonight. I may not even be able to go Saturday. They are leaving soon to go back to New Mexico, and despite Don's promise that he would call me, I've heard nothing from them. The sorrow from that is deep; my close friends for nearly 30 years can't make time to visit this pathetic cripple. I know that good things came from the first accident: being able to be home with Bri, not commuting, and not working the stressful job which was slowly making me ill. But right now, with the appendectomy and subsequent sloooow recovery, it's just too much to bear.

When I read aloud to Bri the email I had composed to Laura and Rusty about not being able to go with them tonight, I started to cry. Then Bri began crying. The 2 of us had quite the crying game! Lots of Kleenex... They say crying is good, letting things out, but it also dries out the eyes and gives me a big headache. Bri had to go lie down, he was so exhausted from its emotional impact. So that was our big event--supposedly we're better off for it--we'll see!